🎄 The Ivor King No-Fuss Christmas Pudding Recipe 🎄
(Warning: May contain a sprinkle of humour and a dash of chaos!)
Ingredients:
- 1 cup of festive cheer 🍷
- 2 cups of family banter (optional: substitute with awkward silence)
- 1 handful of raisins (or whatever dried fruit hasn’t been raided by the kids)
- ½ cup of breadcrumbs (preferably not from the kitchen floor)
- 3 tbsp of ‘Elf-Raising’ flour (and a cloud of it on your face for authenticity)
- 1 tsp of mixed spice (or a mystery spice from the back of the cupboard)
- 3 eggs (make sure they’re fresh and not from last Easter)
- ½ cup of sugar (plus extra for “taste testing”)
- 1 cup of brandy (for the pudding, not just for you)
Instructions:
- Start Early: Declare you’re making the pudding three weeks late, then panic because it needs time to mature. Decide “mature” is a state of mind.
- Mix It Up: Toss all the ingredients into a bowl. Remember to stir clockwise and make a wish! (Note: wishing for someone else to cook Christmas dinner doesn’t work.)
- Steam It: Pour the mix into a greased pudding basin, cover tightly, and steam for five hours. Use this time wisely: nap, watch a Christmas movie, or hide from relatives.
- Feed It: Over the next few days (or hours, depending on patience), drizzle with brandy. This keeps it moist and justifies the extra bottle you bought.
- Serve It: On Christmas Day, reheat the pudding and set it on fire with flambéed brandy. Enjoy the mix of oohs, ahhs, and mild panic as flames leap unexpectedly high.
Chef’s Secret Tip: If all else fails, buy one from the supermarket, put it on a fancy plate, and sprinkle it with icing sugar. Nobody will know the difference (unless you tell them during your second glass of mulled wine).
